Why I Have To Write
People joke about hearing voices. Others diagnose it, romanticize it, ignore it, or deny it. But we all have at least two voices in our conscious minds, and it is that second voice I most delicately care for if I am to have any hope of creating my next work of art.
After a four day gallery art show in Las Vegas, staying with family in extreme heat, and literally no sleep, I arrived home to what most might assume was a comfy bed and some well earned rest. When that second voice is full, however, no rest can be found. And she was incredibly restless. She was restless and eager, and so full of information and feeling that she was literally coming out of her skin…and of mine.
I had a choice,
My choice was to write.
I have learned over many years to treat this timeless aching as I would a very delicate and impressionable child. I first think…where do I bring her? Whose loving care shall I entrust with this gentle, fragile soul? And then I choose. Yesterday, I chose Gratitude. Of all the things I experienced and felt that were trying to get my attention from my journey in Vegas, I chose the places I went that reminded me of why and how I do what it is that I do. And even more specifically, I chose the WHY behind the stuff that makes me proud enough to never give up on my dreams.
Loving makes me proud. Coming from love…for the world or a creation or an interaction or even a state of mind. Love has, and will always be, my greatest champion. And although, as of late in this ever changing world, she feels far more like a dirty word, to me these are the only arms I would choose to place this delicate child's mind within. And I do. Time and time again.
And so, in utter exhaustion, I chose to write. I danced in the feeling of the faith others have had in me. I twirled through this part of my history and how I revisited it all weekend. I asked for what I could possibly give to all those who had, and continue to fuel the inexhaustible passion for what I create… I asked what I have to give when I feel like I literally have nothing left.
I watched the voice shift. Suddenly, this fragile child became my father, and my angels, and my highest possible self. I watched this child grow through the memories and the wisdom of this thing I can't live without…these two words that grow my soul like no others ever have or could.
And the words came. The tears fell. I couldn't finish fast enough to send it out so that someone else might know their meaning and their unconquerable worth, as they have so generously shown me my own. And she then fell asleep. My voice became One. One voice, one mind, one goal, one thought.
Because I chose. Because the rest doesn't matter. Because THIS is the path that will forever walk me Home…